****Please note - Massive spoilers contained as I record the experience thoroughly for my own memory of the event. Please do not read if you wish the experience to be a surprise, as I recommend it to be****
Arrived at the U.N.I.T headquarters on the backstreets of Mayfair at 11:15am, 45 minutes before our entry tickets. Of course the doors were closed and the street was empty. All local pubs were closed and places to kill time were minimal so I would advise against anyone else arriving earlier than required.
Just before 12:00 a U.N.I.T agent came down the growing line of attendees and checked our names against the list. We were not required to provide evidence of Covid-19 vaccination or a lateral flow test thought were encouraged to wear our face masks throughout the experience. I and my companion Brian initially did so, but upon finding no one else in the group was wearing them, we pocketed them as ostensibly pointless.
We were herded to a cloakroom just opposite a few U.N.I.T offices where a ‘scientist’ introduced us to the experience and explained that time itself was about to be entirely wiped out of existence as a consequence of a time fracturing explosive device known as a Temporal Disrupter going off sometime in 1942 (or, maybe not)
We were told that our phones were to remain off and pocketed and that bags and coats could be stored in the cloakroom for £2 per item then were encouraged to browse the offices around us for clues as to where the temporal disrupter could be located. This, as far as I could ultimately ascertain, provided no purpose other than to keep us occupied until the staff in the next section were ready to receive us, as though we found hints as to what lay ahead, since we were mostly walked (ran, actually. There was something of a sense of chaos throughout) through the experience, there was no requirement for us to find or retain any specific information at this point.
There wasn’t time to get impatient. Another scientist walked through the door a few minutes later, introduced himself and explained a bit of the madness the U.N.I.Theadquarters was currrently dealing with, before taking us on in to a large open room full of computer screens depicting various anomalies across the world and ‘DANGER’ alerts. Scientists and engineers were running about the room fixing various bits of equipment while a glowing ‘fracture’ at the far end of the room emanated an eerie pulsing light. After some more introductions which I unfortunately largely missed as though the actors made a commendable effort of pitching their voices loudly to the crowd, it was still somewhat muffled to those of us who found ourselves further to the back of a crowd of people who appeared to have their own things to talk about. If I were to attend again - and I likely will - I would make more of an effort to get close to the action so that one doesn’t miss out on any important information.
We are palmed off briefly on an eccentric scientist who tries to convince us that the explosion has not happened in the past but actually in the future, on a parallel timeline that rips into our own reality. She isn’t being listened to and begs us to encourage the scientist in the main room to see sense and to dial his scanners from the past to the future to find the source of the explosion. We do so, meeting some resistance at first, but after a couple of increasingly severe radiation outbursts the frantic scientists decide to give it a go. The attempt is interrupted by another pulse of the time fracture and this time we are attacked by Darlek’s (No fooling!! There is an actual Darlek knocking at the door of this reality and it is actually surprisingly scary, as the scientists scream at us all to stay low to the ground as the lights flicker on and off and the Darlek attempts to bust through the invisible barrier. The Doctor in his multiple incarnations appears on the screens and says that we are safe at present but that we need to go into the time fracture to repair it from inside and that its a proper nightmare in there. Then we are all marched through into a corridor where there is an option to turn either left or right. Just about everyone chooses right because it goes straight into a room where things are obviously happening. Just out of bloody minded curiosity I follow the snaking empty corridor to the left and only briefly have concerns that I am simply heading to the loo’s before I am picked up by an actor who guides me into a room where Elizabeth I is having her wedding. One of many anomalies that are highlighted as we proceed along the tour.
This is where I feel I hit the jackpot. I am swooped up by a female courtier whose name I regrettably did not get (I didn’t get any names. My brain was too information-saturated to take them in throughout the experience) She had read hair, an amazing smile and was 100% engaged in the role. She somehow worked with my dazed cluelessness and kept us going at a fast paced momentum. More join us and we find ourselves in a group of 5. Our actor notes that we must be from the future and that weird things are happening throughout history, not least of all the fact we have just landed at the Virgin Queen’s wedding day. She takes us around the corner and introduces us to William Shakespeare’s who she pleads with us to talk him out of quitting writing as he is currently resolved to never write again, and if he were to not do so, history as we know it would suffer. I’m not great at it and Shakespeare ultimately ends up taking up both my name and my career, but we do follow him into a room where there is some archaeologist dude who describes himself as a very bad man, but aside from that I entirely lose the gist at this point and cant keep up with what is being said or why. Turns out, it doesn’t really matter. My guide directs us to the next room which turns out to be the Torchwood offices, but since the time fracture is running down the centre of it, one half of the room is in the Victorian era and the other is modern, with modern day computer screens depicting more examples of the global madness occurring out there, including upside down pyramids.
The next room is much larger and appears to be something of a central setting for everyone and is ostensibly something of an inter dimensional post office.. There are a couple of ‘non humans’ floating around (giving the place something of a Mos Eisley Cantina vibe), including a pig-featured biped who is a black market trader who holds an an-lib auction on site. We bid for tickets then someone in the group behind us successfully bids on a Galifreying triangle which has no relevant to me at this point but which pops up later in the story (another hint to the fact that everyone is getting a different element to the story)
An oracle is also present and with the assistance of the energy from the time fracture, which is still glowing away beneath our feet in this room, she guides us on our next move.
The pig-faced black market trader is since having a bit of a meltdown since the Turanium(?) he has ordered has gone missing and the people who want it are very bad people.
Our guide herds us to the next room where we duck under the fire place into Da Vinci’s workshop since he is apparently the sod who created the disruptor device on a commision in the first place, but alas they have already been taken by Zoroya, a violent character dressed all in red. Return back to the delivery service room to find that the pig-faced black market trader is getting beating up violently by an individual in red. “Found her!” I point out redundantly to my guide, taking what little opportunity I have encountered to actually be passably helpful during the experience. An altercation occurs but the violent red-dressed individual ultimately puts down the pig-faced individual and runs off with the Turanium, which now appears to have resurfaced in our short absence.
The next section is a bar. An alien-looking lizard woman is singing beautifully on the stage at the far end. I order a large wine from the bar. It costs £10.20. It is worth it! For a period of time everyone is just left to enjoy the setting and talk among themselves.After a while things start to happen. Zoraya’s there again and is being chased by one of the Ood guides I have seen in passing. There is a bit of a gun fight, which I would have almost certain fallen to while collecting my second wine from the bar had the the bullets been real then things calm down again for a while and I meander the room and eavesdrop on my guide talking to another ‘doctor’ whereupon it presents itself that actually we need the infinity disrupter to go off, because since it has already happened (even though it hasn’t happened yet) it is now an integral part of reality that needs to happen in order for reality to continue as it has been. Or something. Wine (shrug)
I pootle off to find the bathroom. It is not signposted as such, but can be located by the double doors next to the bar and then down a small maze of corridors to a (hopefully) unisex bathroom, because both myself and a man were there and at least one of us was wrong to be, if not.
Frankly, for my own personal experience I would have considered £30 pp fair, as the actor engagement was phenomenal and I don’t know how else they could possibly have been paid what they were worth. This was a really fun immersive experience and every actor I met gave their full range and competence to their given role. It was easy to lose oneself to the immersion of it, and two hours very quickly passed.